A Star Pilot's Heart Read online

  Polaris’s arm muscles quivered under my touch as I led him away. I eyed him sidelong. His dimples were out in full force as we strolled together.

  Perfect. Polaris was always easy to hit up for intel. “Why is Orion here? His company doesn’t fly out of Star Keeper.”

  What if he’d been transferred to Star Keeper’s fighter company? I couldn’t face him every time I returned from a mission for the unsavory arm of The Uprising’s merchant corps—smuggling arms and supplies. I’d have to run again, find another assignment far away from here.

  “Are you okay?” Polaris said. He gave me a look, as though I might shatter in front of him.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I growled.

  “Captain…Calpurnia…Cal, I mean…”

  His adorable nervousness was annoying at times. “Get on with it, Po.”

  “I was there when you first arrived at Star Keeper Base, right after…you know…Orion had—”

  “Enough.” I remembered. I had just lost everything and taken this new smuggling job to get a fresh start. Polaris arrived to repair the Firebrand and found me sobbing against the cockpit’s console. He sat on the floor with me all night, and I dozed off drooling on his shoulder.

  Neither of us had ever mentioned it again. I preferred it that way. I didn’t need the reminder that I had once been helpless and weak.

  I frowned and turned my face away from him. “That’s all history.”

  Polaris slowly placed a hand on my wrist and gently patted it. “If…if you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”

  I pulled away from him. His arms fell limp at his sides. “I don’t. I just need to know why he’s here.”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  I winked to make him flustered and likely to stammer out an answer. “Come on, loosen your tongue for me, Po.”

  He ducked his head and glanced away from me to hide his grin. “Not this time, Cal…or any time, I guess since we’ve never…you know. I didn’t mean to imply that we had or anything.”

  I softly chuckled to myself. “I won’t tattle on you.”

  “I never thought you would, Captain!”

  “So tell me!”

  He said nothing. Polaris was never this evasive. I tried a different approach. “What’s this urgent mission you’ve got for me?”

  He said nothing.

  “Show me what you got for me,” I said, making my voice husky.

  “I want to, but…”

  I furrowed my brow at him. “You always tell me what’s going on in Mission Control.”

  “I can’t this time. It’s highly classified; only the general has clearance to talk about it.”

  My stomach clenched. Something terrible must have happened. That was why they called in Orion, one of The Uprising’s best pilots. “Did another planet fall?”

  Polaris frowned and stared at his shoes. “Not yet.”

  I waited a moment for him to go on, but he didn’t. A sound of frustration escaped my lips. I could always rely on Polaris for info, but now he was locking me out when I needed his help. I wasn’t surprised—everyone failed you eventually—but it still stung.

  Well, screw him. If he wasn’t going to help, I’d have to get the medical over with and wait for orders. The sooner I knew what was going on, the better. The sooner I could fly away from Orion, the better. “See ya around then,” I said and quickened my steps across the docking bay.

  “Cal!” Polaris called. “Captain.”

  Finally, he was willing to talk. I turned back.

  He closed the space between us to stand nose-to-nose with me. His breath caressed my lips. A hunger flashed across his blue-black eyes, and I thought he meant to kiss me even though he had let me down. My whole body tensed, ready to shove him away.

  But the hunger vanished, leaving a shifty, anxious look that did nothing to relieve my tension.

  “I’m only telling you this because I’m worried about you.” He glanced around to make sure no one could hear us, then leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Be ready. Someone else from your past is returning.”

  Four

  As I crossed the docking bay, my mind reeled from Polaris’s warning.

  Who else could be returning? Probably another pilot from my former company, but why would that be classified info?

  Despite my racing thoughts, my gaze was drawn to a small black cruiser that looked oddly familiar. Among the junkers, fighters, and transports, it hunched as though trying to disappear into the wall. Without meaning to, I strolled closer, looking at the ship from different angles.

  My heart skipped a beat. It was a Blade Star cruiser, painted black to cover its origins. This was a Supremacy ship, of a type that had given The Uprising a ton of trouble.

  What the hell was that doing here?

  A man was crouched on its ramp, scratching a pug behind the ears as the dog happily leaned against his leg. Like his cruiser, he was disguised in the color of night. Not a speck of dust marred the perfect black of his leather pants and long coat. The only flash of color was his long auburn hair, smooth and shiny as silk.

  He eyed me with an expression that was like an abandoned puppy. It was completely at odds with his ship, which hid enough guns to destroy the Firebrand with one barrage.

  “Yes, you like having your little ears scratched don’t you, Mr. Pancake,” he said, his voice as dark as deep space. The dog stuck out his tongue and panted.

  The strange man was not going to fool me. He was here in a Supremacy ship. Base command allowed him to land, but he didn’t belong here. He was an enemy. My hand strayed towards the gun at my hip, but I didn’t go for it. Yet.

  “Nice ship,” I said. “I usually only see Blade Stars when shooting them down.”

  “You missed this one.” He grinned. It was a little lopsided, showing more teeth on the right side than the left. It made his obsidian eyes glint like light flashing off a blaster. He no longer looked abandoned, but charming or dangerous, or both. No, not charming, I corrected myself. He was not charmingly dangerous, either. He was probably a filthy enemy agent.

  “I better shoot your ship down,” I said.

  He chuckled. “Go ahead. I don’t need it anymore.”

  I side-eyed him, studying his face for any clues to his motives or identity. He was as still and pale as marble. No scar or blemish mired his perfect, traitorous face. “Who are you?”

  “Antares Satevis.” He bowed. “At least, that’s my name now.”

  I studied him and moved in a little closer like a piece of metal drawn to a magnet. “And the ship? What are you doing here in that?”

  He sighed as though the answer was heavy. “Escaping.”

  “Escaping what?”

  He rested a hand with long, smooth fingers on his bent knee. “Everything.”

  I knew the feeling. But that didn’t change that he was hiding something. “Where are you from?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  Though he insisted on being a waste of my time, I needed to know why that ship was here. I needed to know why this smooth, handsome scumbag was here. So I forced my voice to sound kind and compassionate. “But I want to understand.”

  He snorted. “Trust me, you don’t.”

  So much for trying compassion. I rolled my eyes. “I’ve been in deeper shit than you can imagine.”

  His gaze landed on my boots and trailed upward, slowly. I hated the little thrill that went through my body.

  “You don’t look it.”

  I’ve had enough of men pulling that you-aren’t-tough shit because of my height and slight frame. “Why? Because I don’t dress in the curtains of a haunted house?”

  “You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to rob a haunted house.” His voice and expression were deadly serious, but there was a glint in his unblinking eyes. I wasn’t certain how serious he actually was.

  Enough games. “Are you a smuggler?”

  “Of sorts.”

  “A spy?”

  “You’r
e getting hotter.” Antares raised his eyebrow and his gaze darted over me.

  Heat flushed up my neck. “You’re getting useless,” I snapped.

  “Am I?” His dark eyes flashed as though he could see the flush on my neck and the tingle on my skin when he looked at me.

  That wouldn’t do. I was going to discover why he was here and then find a way to get him thrown out.

  He wasn’t an Uprising spy or agent who stole a ship from the Blade Supremacy because he wouldn’t need to hide that. I clenched my fists and glanced at the ship. There was only one reason he would need to hide why he was here in a Blade Star.

  “You work for them.”

  His thin mouth turned downward. “I work for The Uprising.”

  “You used to work for them.”

  “I’m here now; that’s what’s matters.”

  I barked a bitter laugh. At least he would be easy to resist. “How could you take orders from them?” From the people who conquered a thousand worlds, who killed my sister, who murdered my friends. I didn’t tell him any of that, though. My past was not his business.

  “I didn’t have much choice.” His eyes were sad and dared me to challenge him.

  I glared back. “That’s not a good reason.”

  He shrugged, and I wanted to punch him in that perfectly chiseled face. “I had nowhere to go, no one to be. They offered me a place.”

  His words knocked the breath from me. His explanation echoed how I first ended up with The Uprising. I was a hungry kid, running messages between Uprising outposts on Erow, my home planet, because I had nothing else to do and nowhere else to go. Before I could push the memories away, he knocked me off kilter again.

  “What are you fighting for?”

  My sister blared into my memory. Strong and brave though she was only sixteen, all bones and too-long limbs. A sister I tried not to think about, except on long voyages when I pretended she was in my little cabin on the Firebrand. That she finally returned, somehow, and we stayed up all night talking like we did when we were kids.

  Before the Supremacy arrived.

  I might have joined The Uprising out of necessity, but I stayed for her. First as a messenger, then as a fighter pilot, and now as the captain of a smuggling ship.

  Antares was an enemy. Hell would freeze over before I would answer any question he asked. “I have issues with authority. Mainly the tyrannical type.”

  “So do I,” he said, unfolding his long, lean body and strolling lazily toward me.

  I took a step back and wiped my sweaty palms on my legs.

  “You’ll have bigger problems without me.”

  “Sure thing, buddy,” I said, dryly.

  Antares stopped next to me. He was close enough to reach out and touch, which I definitely didn’t do. He was close enough to catch his woodsy scent, which I definitely didn’t breath deeper of. I turned my gaze to Mr. Pancake instead and watched him chew a green ball.

  “By the looks of this place, you need all the help you can get,” Antares said, breaking unwelcome into my thoughts just when I managed to ignore him.

  Star Keeper Base was a bit run-down, in need of repairs that we never had the resources, people, or robots to carry out. It was difficult to gain supplies when you didn’t conquer and plunder hundreds of star systems like the people he worked for.

  “We’re fighting for the right of every planet, every people, and every individual to decide their own fate. What have you done? What are you doing here?” I snapped.

  He didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed or to answer for his crimes. “I’m here to help. I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.”

  So, he was a traitor. The people he was betraying deserved it. But if he was willing to betray one person, he would betray another. This guy was a danger—either he was lying and still working for the Supremacy or he switched sides for a price. And anyone who turned once would turn again. I didn’t like him lounging in my docking bay as though he were one of us.

  I didn’t like him looking at me when I had spent years perfecting the art of going unnoticed around people like him.

  “You’re giving me that look,” he said, his voice flat and cold. “The one that everyone gives me.”

  “The one that says you’re scum.”

  “That’s it,” he said and his mouth quirked almost into a smile.

  Who would smile at that? And he still refused to tell me why he was here. He wasn’t shot out of the sky when he tried to approach the base. That meant the general let him land and let him keep access to his ship. What did she see in him? How could we ever trust a traitor and an enemy?

  Five

  When I stormed into the exam room, my heart was still thumping like plasma cannons from my encounters with Orion, Polaris, and Antares. “Let’s get this over with, Dr. Nisha—” I stopped short, faced with one of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen.

  His high cheekbones and square jaw might have looked harsh on someone else, but his thick, soft lips and kind copper eyes gave him a tender, warm look. The white lab coat couldn’t hide that he was well muscled in a way that looked steady and reliable, as though I could lean against him and feel safe.

  “Good afternoon, Captain Bellatrix.” His voice was like far-off thunder on a summer’s day, promising to relieve the stifling heat. It made me homesick in a way I hadn’t felt for years. “I’m Dr. Hamal Dalim.”

  “Ahh…” I glanced away from him so I could focus enough to form coherent words. I tried to ignore the heat building between my legs. “Where’s my usual doctor?”

  “She’s with other patients and the general tells me she’d like to clear you for another mission as soon as possible. But I promise to provide the same level of care.”

  “Ah…”

  “A throat examination isn’t necessary. The scanner will show everything.”

  Yeah, it probably would, including blood flow and heart rate.

  “We doctors are a scary bunch,” Dr. Hamal said with a grin. “But I’ll be gentle. Please lie down on the exam table. This will just be a standard check-up.”

  I quickly settled onto my back on the exam table. The sooner this was over with, and the sooner I could stop making a fool of myself, the better. I was never good at chatting with attractive men. Except for Orion, it never came easy. I only managed it with Polaris because I didn’t mean it and I rarely saw him.

  Dr. Hamal stood over me, adjusting a floating scanner so that it was above my feet. He had an easy, relaxed way to his movements like a gentle stream of water. “Are you comfortable?”

  “Ah…okay,” I said and cringed at my awkwardness.

  He simply smiled. It softened his chiseled jaw. “Let me know if that changes.” He adjusted the scanner’s controls and checked the read-outs on a tablet in his hand. The metal arch of the scanner slowly moved over my feet and up my legs.

  I stared at the white ceiling, but my gaze strayed to the doctor to trace the shape of his arms and shoulders. I’ve always loved a good pair of strong shoulders.

  Well, there was no harm in enjoying the view, normally. But if he sent my heart rate up, he would see it on the scanner.

  So I stared at the ceiling and tried to think of something else, like Antares’s long fingers, the smooth easy way he moved, the glint in his eyes when he—

  Nope, think of something else. I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined Hamal’s strong arms wrapped around me like a ship’s protective shield. It was a waste of energy to daydream of things that could never happen. Think of Mr. Pancake. That little dog’s cute squishy face was safe. Maybe I could get a dog for company on my next mission.

  “By any chance, are you the same Captain Bellatrix from the Battle of Sule?” Dr. Hamal’s voice was cautious.

  I came crashing out of my daydreams like I slammed my ship into the ground. Sule was my final battle before transferring from the air force to a smuggling job. It was considered a suicide mission, so half my company walked out days before. Abandoned me and the rest
of us to die. Nothing I did or said convinced them to stay.

  It was the battle where Prince Castor’s fleet shot down my entire company, including me. We managed to bail out of our crashing fighters, but I had never lost an entire company of ships before. The Uprising couldn’t afford to lose ships.

  It was the battle I didn’t like to remember. And it was the battle I was best known for.

  For a moment, I considered lying. It was easier than answering the usual questions about losing our best fighter fleet or facing the fawning admiration over saving the Sulian refugees.

  But I decided against lying. I deserved both the painful derision and the painful admiration. “Ta-da,” I said dryly.

  A smile hovered over Dr. Hamal’s lips. “I was a gunner in Livid Company.”

  I remembered their blue-gray ships swooping out of the orange Sulian sky. I was struggling to drag Marlon from his crashed fighter as Castor’s ship swooped in to blast us to dust. I had wondered why he didn’t fire on his first pass, but he wouldn’t have made the same mistake again. I was certain I was going to die.

  “When you men flew in, it was like finding a well after days in the desert,” I said softly.

  “Ta-da,” Dr. Hamal said and winked.

  I snorted despite myself.

  “We were only the clean-up crew, chasing away the last of the enemy. Your company was the—”

  “No. Just…don’t. Please.” I couldn’t stand congratulations on the battle that cost me my company and my friends.

  The only family I had.

  Orion left me because of that battle. He left a note that said he “had to go.” He didn’t leave the air force, though, so it wasn’t battle that he couldn’t stand anymore. It was me after I had failed to keep our team together, after I had failed to keep us safe.

  “It’s our duty to protect our team, but sometimes we don’t do it as well as we’d like,” Dr. Hamal said softly. “I’ve made that mistake too.”

  Few people understood. I bit my lip to stop it from trembling.

  “But that doesn’t mean we fail. Every person we save from slavery is a win, and you saved thousands that day when no one thought it was possible.”